Caring and Coping

Everyone undoubtedly has a different experience with their loved one who has Alzheimer’s. That’s because every individual reacts differently to this difficult condition. Each person - and each family - has a unique way of coping with Alzheimer’s and trying to minimize its disruption to family life.

Inevitably, though, Alzheimer’s will disrupt your life. But the similarities among symptoms mean there are also similar ways of dealing with them. This Caregiver’s Support Kit®, through examples, case histories, and practical suggestions, seeks to help the caregiver understand Alzheimer’s better and gain insight into handling specific situations faced by all families caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s disease.

By focusing not just on the patient with Alzheimer’s, but also the caregivers’ needs and feelings, this Caregiver’s Support Kit® will try to present a realistic, yet hopeful, picture of what it means to care for someone who day by day becomes more helpless, frustrated, and dependent on your kindness and compassion.

As you embark on this journey of pain and discovery, please understand that you are not alone. There are more than four million Americans with Alzheimer’s today - and just as many families trying to deal with its effects on their lives. Even more important, though, there are many places and people you can turn to for help. Some of these will be discussed in the pages of this Caregiver’s Support Kit®.

Below is a true story - one that will perhaps remind you of your own discovery about a person you love.

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It was a marriage that, for 25 years, had been made in heaven. Tom and his wife Joan had a storybook romance and a wonderful life together - filled with three beautiful children, a nice house, yearly vacations, and plenty of good friends.

One day, without warning, things began to crumble. But the reason for it only became apparent much later. Tom says it began quietly and gradually. First, he noticed that Joan spoke less and seemed more and more withdrawn. At the urging of friends and relatives, Tom took Joan to their family physician, who found nothing wrong.

But Joan remained withdrawn. She also began showing signs of anxiety, fretfulness, and irritability Tom soon became aware that Joan wasn’t taking care of the simple things she had managed for years: paying the bills, balancing the checkbook - even cleaning house and cooking. Joan had always been a neat, orderly person who prided herself on staying on top of things.

Tom suspected something was seriously wrong. He discovered bills and checks tucked away in unlikely places in the house. He found stale bits of food left in corners of the bedroom and bathroom. Personal belongings and money were stashed away in the backs of drawers and cupboards, as though Joan were trying to hide them.

Tom was afraid to ask Joan about this changed behavior, thinking that most likely it was a temporary depression or perhaps the "change of life." Without saying a word, he took over the household duties and made a point of routinely returning her misplaced objects to their proper place.

But things just got worse and her forgetfulness more persistent.

Neighbors and friends began telling Tom that Joan had given them large sums of money or precious possessions, sometimes saying it was for "safekeeping," sometimes as outright gifts. They would return these to Tom, knowing full well that Joan was not acting rationally.

Thinking that a vacation might alter her mood or help her return to her former self, Tom took Joan to Europe. That’s when he became aware she couldn’t manage on her own. She had become almost mute and incapable of doing simple things for herself. Tom had to make all the decisions about what she ate, bought, and saw on their trip.

Finally, Tom sat Joan down in their hotel room and told her he felt she should see a doctor when they returned home. They both cried. That was the beginning of their shared journey with Alzheimer’s.

*****

With this realization, Tom and Joan joined the ranks of American families who have been robbed - robbed of fathers, mothers, husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, and dear friends. Robbed by a disease that destroys its patients’ golden years.

That robber is called Alzheimer’s disease.

And we must do everything in our power to reclaim what we can from this inhuman thief. We must work diligently to renew our relationships with our loved ones, so that we can help restore the humanity and dignity that Alzheimer’s seeks to strip away.